Saturday, June 25, 2011

This is Rockinsticks and welcome to Weekend Report.  In our top story this week the Headmistress snuck out of her shackles office and issued the call for all Hogwarts students to show another side of themselves.  The dungeon walls began to ooze metaphor as Slytherins began to draw parallels between the boy-who-is-slightly-overrated and the-boy-from-Tatooine.  One snake was quoted as saying, "Darth Vader and Lord Voldemort walk into a bar.  Sauron turns to them and says, 'Pesky short orphans!'" 

As of this writing two projects have been submitted.  First in was the illustrious Maigret who found parallels between two hotties with large noses (you know what they say). And between stone angels and those angles of desolation, the dementors.
And 01Tangled reminded us that diamonds might be a girls best friend, but make sure you know their origins be it Mount Doom the Cottage of Slytherin.

Weather:  Mohair is to sweaters as fog is to driving.

In other Stories, OWL on the half shell.  Slytherins continue to rock the half OWL mark.  37 of you have ripped at least one wing off that nasty bird.  That's 1850 points for us with 5 days to go.  So drop that Horcurx and get back to your OWL.  We will bring the cup back to the noble Casa de Slytherin and sponge bathe the hotties out of it.

Forgivable Curse of the Week:  Pull your head out of your bottom whorl!

And from the Sub-Human Interest Desk, - I am lazy, but kindhearted.  Many of  you know that our lovely DrusillaWormwood has been fighting her way through a particularly nasty dark wizard known only as Sir Jerry.  As I stood in the Father's day card aisle last week I was thinking how great it would be if all the Slytherins signed a get well card for her.  Knowing that by the time it circulated the globe for signature we'd likely all be dead, I've decided to try something tricky - if not lazy.  Dru brings a lot of humor to the dungeon and I would like to return the favor.  If all Slytherins interested will PM me a joke by July 15th I will hand print them all with your names on a ginormous card and mail it off to the lovely Ms. Wormwood.  So that's it.  Just send me a joke and with any luck we can help her giggle a bit.  It can be a one liner, something you got from a waitress, or whatever happenend to be on your laffy taffy wrapper.  Oh and the best thing is - no PG-13 line and I am extraordinarily hard to offend (with the exception of racial slurs - don't do it, you won't be included if that is your taste).

This is Rockinsticks saying squeeze that OWL to 50%, snakes were made for squeezing after all.

No comments:

Post a Comment