Sunday, January 9, 2011

Hottie of the Week

Whenever I have to fill out paperwork I have a devious need to be a jerk.
Name? WonkyFeint
Race? Night Elf Mohawk
Gender? no.
Occupation? Light Bulb Maker Assassin.

I used to write in that I made light bulbs for a living but people started asking me about it. How much I liked it. Was there good pay in it. It was a lie that really took up more time to explain than it did to actually write. So I changed my job. I am now an Assassin. Why? Assassins are sexy. They are smart, clever, dangerous, skilled, well versed in interesting accents and frankly, rollin’ in the dough. It’s a perfectly Slytherin occupation really. Who wants to be a banker when you can be a ghost?

My pretend (or is it?) occupation has inspired me to have movie night after movie night dedicated to our next band of yummy men and women... Hottie Assassins.

Lets kick off this party with a man who’s so good at being a spook that most people forget he was one. When Clive Owen appeared in The Bourne Identity he played The Professor. Wearing glasses and carrying a big gun The Professor went in to exterminate Jason Bourne after he went rouge. He lost that fight but imparted wisdom that stuck with Jason until the very end of the trilogy and he is absolutely still a Hottie.

Our next Hottie in the business of getting rid of people is John Cusack. As Martin Blank, he was a lovable assassin back in his hometown of Grosse Point Michigan on assignment. He also just so happened to be there for his high school reunion. With his flexible morals, his hilarious interaction with his shrink and one seriously sassy secretary, John Cusack is undeniably the funniest assassin on the list. 

Next up we have The Fraternity (from the movie Wanted). That’s right. An entire group of Hotties with license to kill. Because we could do an entire blog entry just on them, I decided to focus on their newest member. Wesley Gibson, played by James MacAvoy, hates his job, his boss, his d-bag coworker and his cheating girlfriend. When Fox (played by Angelina Jolie) tells him that he is destined for something more, he is hard pressed to believe her but soon comes around to her way of thinking. After intense training at the hands of The Fraternity he is not only ready to take on all the bad men and women out there that need to get dead, he is also a certifiable Hottie.  

Our second to last Hottie spot is held by twin brothers Connor and Murphy MacManus also known as The Saints. Raised in Ireland, the brothers are wicked smart and devout Catholics. They love the Lord and feel that they do his work. Vigilantes more than assassin’s they take out some of the FBI’s (and Boston's) most wanted with surprising ease. Throw Il Duce (Billy Connolly), who just so happens to be their father, into the mix and you have a family of Hotties that you and your mother can get behind... or on top of.

Last but certainly not least is The Bride, a.k.a Black Mamba. Some may say its just Snake Pride that made me put her on the list, but in reality, its her badassery mixed with her good looks that has Uma Thurman taking up the rear in this list. She took on fellow members of the Deadly Vipers Assassination Squad with ease in an effort to avenge the “death” of her unborn baby. It took two volumes to get through all of her former colleagues but every minute of Kill Bill 1 & 2 was worth it. 

 As always boys and girls, I will see you next week. Same hot time, same hot channel.

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