I'm Rockinsticks and this is Weekend Report. In our top story this week - Sorting Hat Spottings. It has been confirmed that the Sir Hat has returned from his vacation of dalliances with a certain mystery scarf off the coast of Crete. A Slytherin Hottie sent to pose as a pool boy at the resort informed us that Mr. Hat and Ms. Scarf had large deliveries of food owled in from "Fair Foods Inc." Meals included doughnut burgers, chocolate covered bacon, and deep fried whatzits. One must ask how the mysterious Ms. Scarf maintains her svelte and lacy figure.
Upon arrival back at Hogwarts Sir Hat belched, headed up to the headmistress' office, appearing hours later freshly showered to oversee the Sorting Ceremony.
Weather: Thunderous WIP clouds will be seen throughout the Forbidden Forest for the remainder of the month.
In other stories, Headmistress gives castle the staff. New and returning staff were welcomed this week. Students have already begun to assign unflattering animal characteristics to them in the tradition of "The Great Greasy Bat of the Dungeons". One Slytherin was quoted as saying, "Silly rabbit, bats are for breakfast." Slytherin alumnus Master Osbourne has declined to comment.
Forgivable Curse of the Week: GaugeGuano
From the Sub-Human Interest Desk, preparation. What are you doing to prepare for September 1st? Sorting stash, swatching OWLs, creating Frankensteinesque Phoenix - Newt hybrids? Leave a comment and let us know. I'm swatching an OWL, realizing I have more worsted weight stash than should be allowed by law and generally bracing myself for new classes.
This is Rockinsticks signing out and saying, giggle, there really isn't much else to do.