I'm Rockinsticks and this is Weekend Report. In our top story this week Slytherins report that the Sorting Hat has abandoned his usual quaint and prophetic poetry in favor of a rather snarky and at times lewd questionnaire. An excerpt of this new form follows:
1. You walk into the Slytherin Common room by mistake. Your reaction is:
a. Blush and mumble, "Oh, excuse me I was looking for the loo."
b. Wave your wand wildly at your own head yelling, "Obliviate! By all that is holy Obliviate!"
c. Transfigure your robes into something slinky and green, grab a well worn hottie and settle into the sofa.
d. I do not venture into the dungeons alone.
72. Your idea of a perfect evening includes:
a. A long walk on the shores of the dark lake.
b. Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain.
d. Rubbing a skein of Alpaca across your bare belly while Severus reads PT,L aloud to you as topless Lucius feeds you blackberries.
428. A fellow housemate runs through the common room shrieking and showing off the most beautiful engagement ring evar in brilliant house colors. You:
a. Give her a big hug and say congratulations.
b. Begin placing liquor orders for the 2 year long bachelorette party.
c. Smile warmly then spend the rest of the week scowling at your own DH for being so completely house ignorant.
d. All of the above.
666. Final question. You might be a Slytherin if:
a. You need a font for sarcasm.
b. You think being called "snarky" is a compliment.
c. You think that chatting in the forbidden forest is a fine way to spend the evening.
d. You are currently Headmistress of the HPKCHC.
This reporter is unsure if it was the result of too many Mexican sandwiches or too much prime tequila over break that has prompted this change in Mister Sorty's process, but I for one applaud his new efforts.
Stay tuned next week when we begin to report on the starting line of Spring term.
This is Rockinsticks signing off for another week.